Protecting Your Family's Future
 

What Your Adopted Child Would Like You to Know

What-Your-Adopted-Child-Would-Like-You-To-Know

Often, in the adoption process, the adults speak to each other, get to know each other and make a decision to move forward based on their conversations. When the child is an infant, that’s the only available option. But what if the prospective adopted child could talk to you and tell you what they need? How might that change the process? Here’s what many adopted children say they would tell potential adoptive parents.

Don’t Assume That My Life Was Bad

Many adoptive parents think that children who are up for adoption must have been mistreated, must have suffered, and must have been sad or depressed. As a result, they have the mistaken belief that those children will now be “happy,” as they are with a “good” family. While many adoptees do come from troubled homes, not all do. Even those that do will experience a sense of loss when taken from a birthparent. The best thing you can do is provide a safe place where the child can feel and express all of his or her emotions.

Don’t Whitewash the Past

Regardless of what it is, your adopted child needs to know his or her story. If you aren’t open and honest with them, they’ll create their own story, and it may have no relationship with the truth. There’s an inescapable sense of loss when a child is adopted, and that sense of loss can only be mitigated when the child fully understands and talks about who he or she is. When your child is young, you’ll probably hear the story over and over—it’s how kids process at that age. Be patient and let it feel natural to them.

Contact Us

At the office of Linda Stewart Law, PLLC, in Baytown, we bring more than 8 years of experience to clients in south Texas. To learn how we can help, call our office at 281-420-8020 or contact us online. We offer an initial consultation at a reduced fee of $50. We accept credit cards and will set up a payment plan, if appropriate. Our offices are open Monday through Thursday, from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m., and until noon on Fridays. Evening and weekend appointments can be arranged upon request.

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Things to Consider Before You Adopt

Things-To-Consider-Before-You-Adopt

An adoption can often be one of those classic “win-win” situations. A child in need gets a good home and individuals/couples who might not otherwise have the chance get to experience the joys of parenthood. But there’s a lot more to an adoption. If you’re looking to build a family through adoption, here are some things to consider before you start the process.

  • A child won’t help a troubled marriage—Don’t make the classic mistake of thinking that you just need a child to make your marriage work. In fact, a child will often make things more difficult. If you haven’t been able to agree on basic issues in your marriage, think of all the new decisions you’ll have to make—who will get up with the child in the middle of the night, who will work and who will stay home, who’s the best person to provide daycare, what’s the best way to discipline the child. You need to have a healthy relationship with each other before you can bring in a child.
  • Be prepared to learn—There are lots of "how-to" manuals for parenting, but every child is unique, so you’ll have to be flexible and learn what works and what doesn’t. There is much good information available, though, including parenting classes for adoptive parents.
  • Be prepared for a lot of questions—You’ll get questions from every direction, from friends and family and, ultimately, from your child. Well-meaning friends may ask questions about the cost of the process, about who the biological parents were or other sensitive issues. Your child will, at some point, come to understand that he or she is different from you. Everyone benefits if you talk about the adoption as early as possible.

Contact Us

At the office of Linda Stewart Law, PLLC, in Baytown, we bring more than 8 years of experience to clients in south Texas. To learn how we can help, call our office at 281-420-8020 or contact us online. We offer an initial consultation at a reduced fee of $50. We accept credit cards and will set up a payment plan, if appropriate. Our offices are open Monday through Thursday, from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m., and until noon on Fridays. Evening and weekend appointments can be arranged upon request.

Se Habla Espanol | ASL and ESL Services Also Available

Factors to Consider Before Adopting

Things to Think About Before You File for Adoption

Things to Think About Before You File for AdoptionAdoption can be an extremely fulfilling experience or it can make a difficult situation even worse. Before you take steps to adopt, there are some questions you need to ask yourself.

Why Do You Want to Adopt?

For many, the answer to this question seems simple—you want to adopt because you want a child. But that’s often only part of the equation. Are there problems with your marriage? Do you believe that a child will help bring you together? Do you see raising a child as an essential component of “living the American dream”? Do you perceive yourself as some kind of saint, saving a child from a life of misery?

If you answer affirmatively to any of the above questions, you need to think long and hard about whether you want to continue with the process. The introduction of a child almost never improves a troubled marriage. And while children can bring out the best in you, it’s also hard work, and often a thankless job. You’ll probably want someone else to be your child’s “savior” when he’s an uncooperative teenager.

The bottom line–adoption is a full time experience. There’s joy and frustration, rewards and disappointments—it’s all part of raising a child.

Though you may see adoption as a way to have the family you can’t have biologically, it’s important to take the time to grieve your inability to have biological children. If you view adoption as “the next best alternative,” you may (consciously or subconsciously) give your child the impression that he or she is really just the something you settled for.

What Will It Cost?

The entire adoption process will likely cost you $30,000 or more. In addition, you can expect to spend between $10,000 and $20,000 each year to raise your child.

Furthermore, child-rearing is a full-time job. Your kids won’t live life according to your schedule. You may have to stay up all night with a sick kid and still be alert and productive when you go to work in the morning.

Which Process Is Best Suited to Your Needs?

Your first choice will likely be between a domestic and an international adoption. In an international adoption, you will likely never meet the birth parent, and won’t have the opportunity to maintain any ongoing relationship with biological parents. Accordingly, there is less risk that your child will try to reunite with his or her birthparent (which can be a painful experience for adoptive parents). The costs of an international adoption, however, are generally a little higher than a domestic adoption.

In a domestic adoption, you can choose an open adoption or a closed adoption. In open adoption proceedings, you typically have some interaction with the birthparent before the adoption. You may work out details about what expenses will be paid, and may agree to remain in touch with the birthparent after the adoption. You can even agree to some level of visitation. Conversely, in a closed adoption, all interaction between birthparents and adoptive parents is through intermediaries.

You can also complete your adoption with the assistance of an agency or privately. With a private adoption, you may avoid some of the cost and red tape involved with an agency. However, you may find it more difficult to locate a child, as most adoption agencies have networks and processes that help them more readily locate potential adoption candidates.

Contact Stewart Law, PLLC

At the office of Linda Stewart Law, PLLC, in Baytown, we bring more than 10 years of experience to clients in south Texas.

To learn how we can help, call our office at 281-420-8020 or contact us online. We offer an initial consultation at a reduced fee of $50. We accept credit cards and will set up a payment plan, if appropriate. Our offices are open Monday through Thursday, from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m., and until noon on Fridays. Evening and weekend appointments can be arranged upon request.

Se Habla Espanol | ASL and ESL Services Also Available

 
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